Experts Say Showers Cause Cancer

By Baljeet Tjinder

Introduction

Every single person who has cancer has taken a shower at some point in their life. Coincidence? Or the biggest hygiene conspiracy of the modern age?

Today, we bravely investigate the shocking “truth” Big Soap doesn’t want you to know.

The “Evidence” They Don’t Want You to See

• 100% of people who shower will eventually die.
• Showers contain water.
• Cancer patients have consumed or touched water.

Clearly, we’re onto something.

And what about steam? Steam rises. So do hospital bills. Suspicious.

The Chemical Conspiracy

Tap water contains things like:

• Oxygen
• Hydrogen
• “Minerals”
• “Fluoride” (whatever that is)

Oxygen is also present in hospitals. Hydrogen exists in stars. Stars explode. Explosions are dangerous. The connections are undeniable.

And don’t even get us started on shampoo. Have you ever tried reading the back of a shampoo bottle? Exactly. If you can’t pronounce it, it must be plotting against you.

Conclusion

Showers cause cancer. They cause death. And sometimes you'll drown.