Government Mandated Ban on All Fluids
The US government is currently working to pass a ban on all fluids. “The fact that this terrorism fluid has been allowed in the American Public for centuries is downright disgusting.” Says Donald Trump during a press statement. According to the head of TSA Ha Nguyen McNeill who has been banning all fluids for years, “just 3.1 oz of water is enough power to fully take control of a small municipality, now just imagine what they could do with a gallon.”
Unfortunately, this change has not been without backlash. There have been many protests where they showed up with plastic water bottles and phones. Luckily we have silenced these risks to national security with swift military response. “We luckily managed to have no military deaths while killing the 593,926,726 men, women, and children who have been brainwashed into believing fluid is necessary for survival.” Say Pete Hegseth, the head of the department of war.
There will be even more positive changes for society, as water park owners are currently in the process of requesting permits to use sand as a replacement for water in their parks. “There is nothing like the feeling of rough, sharp sand against your back as you slide painfully down a fiberglass tube.” Says John Reilly, the lead of Six Flags resorts.