Nation Wide Ban On "Calcs"

By Ben Mesoglea

Recently the United States Government (USG) has banned all "calcs". What the fuck is a calc you might be wondering? We had no clue either, so we decided to dig deeper.

According to our leading news analysts we have discovered "calc" is most likely some sort of drug. We think it has a highly addictive nature that has led many students to kill themselves. However, we decided to lay them off so we could fund other ventures therefore we don't actually know who told us this.

We then asked our "interns" that willingly work for us and our not underage slaves, and they said "calc is short for calculator"

So is the US government banning a new drug, or a mathematical instrument. Honestly, I have no cluu :\